Ch-Ch-Changes

Although I've had my mind made up for a little while now, I wanted to hold off on posting until everything was set in stone and I had a chance to tell the family that I work for...

So here it goes:

I'm moving to New Zealand!

Wow. It still hasn't totally sunk in yet and it feels weird to say it out loud. (Type it out loud? Type it online?) 

I've always dreamt about all the places I wanted to travel... My travel board on Pinterest probably has the most pins out of any of my boards! In fact, for a brief period in time, I actually wanted to major in International Relations and be a diplomat. Traveling is just something that has always been near and dear to my heart... There's nothing I love more than the thrill of the plane descending into a foreign country; a vast new world in its prime for exploration. 

My new home...
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The only problem? I didn't have time. I want to be a doctor. I'm going to be in school for what seems like the rest of my damn life. I'm going to have a family someday, and before I know it, my life will be consumed with a career and children and a husband and tons of animals roaming around our house. And honestly, who has time for traveling at that point? And then what? I wait until I'm retired? But at that point I'll be poor from paying for my children's education. 

(Can you tell I'm a planner???)

I know I could study abroad. But the thing is, you're so engulfed in studying you don't have a chance to travel. And, oh yeah, it's bloody expensive. I'd have to pay both the tuition of the university I'm at now AND the tuition at the university I'd be studying at. #nothanks 

So when I had the opportunity to go to New Zealand, I figured:

Why not? Life is short.

So here I am in this boat where I'm applying for visas and looking for the cheapest plane tickets and wondering what the bloody hell I'm going to pack to go live in a foreign country... But at the same time? 

I wouldn't change a thing.

My Travel Bucket List

Wanderlust: a word near and dear to my heart. Ever since I was a little girl, my adventurous grandma (aka Oma) filled my head with stories or her travels around the world. I have a photo album of the postcards she sent me during her years abroad. She told me when I grew to the height of her boobs (yes, her boobs) she would take me to Paris. I dreamed of eating croissants and meeting Madeline. Of course, this trip to Paris didn't happen until I was a sophomore in high school, but the excitement of traveling and exploring another world never disappeared.

My Pinterest boards are full of pictures of faraway lands and awaiting adventures. If I could, I'd probably go to everywhere in the world I could possibly see. But I'm going to be a little pragmatic and assume that just ain't gonna happen. That won't stop me from making a bucket list, though!

Here are a few places I'd love to visit:

England

Whether it's connecting to my roots or just the desire to be surrounded my glorious green scenery, I've always really wanted to road trip around England. Cornwall especially has been on my bucket list for ages now. The water is blue like nothing I've ever seen before. (It has to do with the glaciers up north or something, right?) AND THOSE CLIFFS. UM HELLO. Can you say GAW-JUSSS?! And summer time in the English countryside... The smell of the flowers drifting in the air... The glorious rays of sunshine... The light summer breeze... (Basically the opposite of the ring of fire I live in during the summer.) Oh my. A girl can dream. 

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Mmm... Can't you just smell those flowers?? I wish I could just teleport there right now.

Prague/Czech Republic

I had a friend from high school who studied abroad in Prague last summer. The pictures she posted on Facebook were breathtaking. Enchanting, almost. Doesn't it seem like the setting of a fairy tale? I feel like if I went, I'd probably be prancing around pretending I was Sleeping Beauty. (JUST LOOK AT THAT CASTLE. LOOK AT IT!!) Everything is so old compared to the U.S. and it just amazes me how long these buildings have stood there... And hardly anything has changed. They're like the Redwoods of architecture or something! One of my good friends has a pal from the Czech Republic. She speaks fluent czech and travels there every summer. The way she talks about the country is so wonderful... And it makes me really want to visit.

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New Zealand

Oh, New Zealand. Such a funny little place... With funny little birds and people with funny Australian-but-not accents... And sheep. Oh, lots of sheep. (I sure do love sheep.) I'm not sure if it's because of movies like Narnia and Lord of the Rings with the stunning landscapes and breathtaking natural wonders, but I've always wanted to visit New Zealand... I'm not a hardcore outdoors enthusiast but damn I'd try my hardest if I were somewhere like New Zealand. There's just so much to see in such a little country. It may be over 14 hours away (and that's a direct flight from LAX!), but I'll make it there someday.

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Now all I need is an awesome job where I get paid like $500/hour so I can travel to all these places... Someday, someday. Hey, a girl sure can dream, huh?

When life gives you a big decision...

Let me start off by saying this: I am the absolute worst at making important decisions.

I struggled the whole summer after 8th grade about where I wanted to go to high school. I was numerous pros and cons lists. I rated my friends going to each school. I listed out potential opportunities. And you know what? I ended up transferring after my freshman year at the school I deemed the "best."

I did something similar when I was making my decision about where I wanted to go to college. It's a lot easier to make a "smart" decision when comparing a $45,000 per year tuition versus $12,000.  I transferred after one semester there.

I'm at another crossroads in life right now and I'm struggling with path I want to take. My inner turmoil is relentless. I feel like there's a monsoon taking over my body; the lightning a sharp flash of anxiety every few minutes. I'm not even sure if this is possible, but I'm pretty sure I feel gray hairs appearing on my head. The stress over making a decision is taking over every passing second of my life. It's not pretty.

The world isn't black and white. Things are shades of gray. And that's what makes it so hard.

It's even worse when you have a short deadline to make a decision by.

As in: two days. Two freaking days.

And let me tell ya. I certainly am freaking out.

I'm going to take a moment to quote good ol' Christopher Robin and his pal Pooh.

It already makes ya feel better, doesn't it?

I think maybe I'm just really doubting myself to make the right decision... But is there really a "right" decision? If I were to decide to go one way, would I spent the rest of my life wondering what could've been? 

Life is too short to spend this amount of time worrying over something. 

Life is too short to not live in the moment.

Life is too short to not be happy.

As much as I want it to be as simple as that, it's really not... (Or is it?) I'm struggling to make the "smart" decision. I'm struggling to make the "best" decision for my future. I'm struggling. And it really really sucks.

I guess maybe the best way to handle big decisions is to go with the most adventurous one. And I think that's what I'm going to do.

Making decisions is fucking' hard.