Thursday, January 22, 2015

Losing a Friend

I haven't even started and I know this post is going to be a tough one to write.

Today we put down our furry family member, Agua. It was one of the toughest things I have ever done.

It's so incredibly hard to believe she's not waiting for me at the front gate when I get home from work. She's no longer going to nap at the foot of my bed. The warm body that would sit on my feet when I sat on the couch is no longer here, nor will she ever be.

No. She's in a hole in on the side of our house. No longer will I be able to rub her soft, furry belly. No longer will I be able to have a buddy to swim in the pool with. No longer will I have someone to snuggle with when the tears are streaming down my face over some silly problem.

She's gone. And I just don't think I can grasp that yet.

I almost expect her to come prancing down the hall when I call her name. But she won't. And she never will.

Cutest lil puppy ever

Agua had been suffering from diabetes for a while now. We struggled to adapt to a new normal when we learned we would have to give her daily insulin shots. She would have died a year ago if she had never been diagnosed. The shots changed her completely. She was a puppy again and we really thought she had years left. But the lumps on her tummy kept getting bigger. And harder. And she started sleeping away the days and eating less and less and less. Her legs started giving out and it became hard for her to walk. A few days ago, it got to the point where she couldn't even hold herself up to pee. That's when we knew. It was time.

The hardest thing above all was that I was in denial. I thought everyone was against her; they were tired of giving her daily insulin shots and just wanted to be done. They didn't want to watch her to make sure she made it outside to go to the bathroom. I thought she would be fine if we just upped her insulin dosage. It worked before, so why wouldn't it work now? But there wasn't enough time to experiment with that. She was dying and there wasn't much we could do about it.

Uh, yeah. That's why we called her Agua. She was OBSESSED with the water.

I think I finally realized I was in denial the other night. I was babysitting for three boys and I was talking to one of them while he played Minecraft. I told him about Agua and I told him how I was really sad about her going. He told me this:

"Sometimes you gotta just let go. There's only so much that doctors and medicines can do. It's hard. But that's what's gotta happen in life."

I almost started crying right then and there because damn he was right. That boy is smart for an 8-year-old.

Little Sissy and her best friend

Time will go on and the sadness will lessen but nothing will ever replace you, Agua-Dog. I love you and I always will.

Thanks for letting us lay on you, swim with you, and dress you up in ridiculous outfits. Thanks for being there on days when we needed to be cheered up. Thanks for being you, girlie. 

*** I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago when this whole deal happened, but I was just too sad to write more than a little bit at a time. I know this post is sappy and emotional and just kinda blah overall but if you've ever put down a pet, you know how much it really just sucks. And, to be honest, two weeks later and it still sucks just as much. And I just don't know if or when it'll ever stop sucking. But that's life. And we just gotta keep living in the moment and enjoying the short time we have on this planet. You never know when your time is up.

As always...

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