Friday, May 1, 2015

When life gives you a big decision...

Let me start off by saying this: I am the absolute worst at making important decisions.

I struggled the whole summer after 8th grade about where I wanted to go to high school. I was numerous pros and cons lists. I rated my friends going to each school. I listed out potential opportunities. And you know what? I ended up transferring after my freshman year at the school I deemed the "best."

I did something similar when I was making my decision about where I wanted to go to college. It's a lot easier to make a "smart" decision when comparing a $45,000 per year tuition versus $12,000.  I transferred after one semester there.

I'm at another crossroads in life right now and I'm struggling with path I want to take. My inner turmoil is relentless. I feel like there's a monsoon taking over my body; the lightning a sharp flash of anxiety every few minutes. I'm not even sure if this is possible, but I'm pretty sure I feel gray hairs appearing on my head. The stress over making a decision is taking over every passing second of my life. It's not pretty.

The world isn't black and white. Things are shades of gray. And that's what makes it so hard.

It's even worse when you have a short deadline to make a decision by.

As in: two days. Two freaking days.

And let me tell ya. I certainly am freaking out.

I'm going to take a moment to quote good ol' Christopher Robin and his pal Pooh.

It already makes ya feel better, doesn't it?

I think maybe I'm just really doubting myself to make the right decision... But is there really a "right" decision? If I were to decide to go one way, would I spent the rest of my life wondering what could've been? 

Life is too short to spend this amount of time worrying over something. 

Life is too short to not live in the moment.

Life is too short to not be happy.

As much as I want it to be as simple as that, it's really not... (Or is it?) I'm struggling to make the "smart" decision. I'm struggling to make the "best" decision for my future. I'm struggling. And it really really sucks.

I guess maybe the best way to handle big decisions is to go with the most adventurous one. And I think that's what I'm going to do.

Making decisions is fucking' hard.

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